Crispy's Corner

So a little update on the guy I’ve been talking to for the last month or so. I had a short stint on a dating website a little while back and ended up talking to a few guys but there was only one that caught my interest. We talked online for a bit and traded some emails and he seemed (keyword: seemed) nice enough so I eventually gave him my number. We continued communications for another couple of weeks and everything was cool. We’d talk for hours about everything under the sun. It was like a high school crush all over again! Everything was sweet and I actually started to let my wall down.

Hmmmpf.

I decided that I was ready to meet in person so I agreed to go out for dinner with him. My friend called me to invite me to a party that night and I told her I had a date but she told me to bring him to the party. So I mentioned it to him and after dinner we headed over. I had a good time and was happy that I had finally had a good date! And I was actually looking forward to more. We started talking on the phone pretty much everyday and we’ve gone out a few more times since then. Things were going well… we were taking things slow and taking the time to get to know eachother… or so I thought…

The last time I saw him was last night and I don’t plan on ever seeing him again. I got a phone call today from a private number. Usually I don’t pick up private numbers but for whatever reason, I picked it up. After I said hello, an unidentified woman responded. She sounded a little hesitant, unsure. I thought maybe it was a wrong number. She asked me who I was. I asked her who she was… she called my phone right? Then she asked the question:

Do you know K- – - – ? (I’ll refer to him as Pure Evil from now on)

When an unidentified female calls you from a private number and asks you who you are and if you know such and such? It can only mean one thing… girlfriend, wife or baby mama.

She said she was Pure Evil’s girlfriend and that he was in jail.

WHAAAAATTTTT????????!!!!!!!! Double whammy! I talked to him last night while he was driving home (or early this morning…it was around 4am) and he said the police were pulling him over and we got off the phone. Silly me, I thought maybe he was just caught speeding or running a stop sign or something like that.

Hmmmpf.

I asked her why he was in jail but she wanted to know who I was and what I was to him first. I told her we were friends, I’d only known him for a little over a month. She wanted to know where we met and when I mentioned online, she knew the site. She said he had been acting strangely the last little while and found out about the site and made him close the account. Too late. Who knows how many others he has to satisfy his philandering ways. She wanted to know details, what days we’ve gone out, where we go, have we had sex.

Lucky for me I wanted to proceed cautiously and slowly so he didn’t get any of MY cookies. A few stolen kisses….I can live with that. She called me just in time though because I had invited Pure Evil to come to my house this weekend to watch some movies!

I told her that I no idea that he had a girlfriend (she said they’d been living together for a year) or that he has any kids. (According to her, he has more than one baby mamas and a bunch of rug rats, I’m not sure if she was one of the mamas but I think I was still in shock so I must have blocked some of it out). She finally told me that he was in jail because he was “not supposed to be out at night.”

So on top of that, Pure Evil was on some sort of house arrest or probation? Lord have mercy. On top of being a lying bastard, he put me in an bad situation. Suppose I was with him when the cops pulled him over? All of our outings had been in the evenings til the wee hours of the morning. I promptly threw the flowers he had given me in the garbage.

I’ve been very cynical when it comes to dating and we had talked about that. But I tried to be open and honest about everything. I guess it was too much to expect the same in return. I remember joking around with him about it; I told him he was very sweet and he has to be pure evil if he is lying about everything. Well… if the shoe fits …

He’s lucky I’ve decided not to put a picture of his cheating face up on this page. I guess I could always put his pic on DontDateHimGirl.com

I had given him my blog address but I don’t think they get internet access in jail. Ha! But if you do happen to read this, you know who you are.

What a disappointment this turned out to be. I guess sometimes it’s hard for me to accept that human nature is not always good. I get stuck on the “why.” Why would somebody do this? What satisfaction can you get from deceiving people?

Usually, I think I’m pretty good at spotting shady behaviour but I guess this one just mastered his craft. Ah well..

You must not know ’bout me.

Beyonce – Irreplaceable

So in continuation of my previous post, my latest “get the hint already” story:

I met this guy a couple months ago during my “I should be nice to people” stage and against my better judgement, gave him my number. Physically, he wasn’t what I usually like but he seemed nice enough so I figured I’d give it a chance. We spoke on the phone a couple times and I agreed to go out on a dinner date.

He picks me up, then stops off at a gas station to fill up and when he gets back into the car, he hands me a pack of gum. I didn’t ask for anything but he explained to me that he likes to do nice things for people. Okay, sure, I take the gum. He then tells me he’s got to stop by his friend’s place to pick up a pair of shoes. I’m thinking, ya gotta do that tonight?? He tells me his friend had a business that went under so he had shoes/merchandise left over, so he was taking me there to help his friend sell some of the stuff.

We get there and they start going through his stash looking for my size, and giving me boxes, “Try this on! Try that on!” I found one pair that I liked but nobody was telling me how much they cost. Then Mr. Moneybags hands his friend $100 and I’m thinking uhh….. is he paying for them? because I didn’t agree to pay $100 for them. I asked him about it because I was feeling wierd about getting shoes from him in the first 30 minutes of our first date. He said we could make a swap. I had mentioned earlier that I got a new monitor for my computer and he said he take the old one off my hands in exchange for the shoes. I figured that was a fair trade so I shrugged it off.

We finally get to the restaurant and he’s droning on and on, all he did was talk about relationships and how people should treat people the way the want to be treated and how he likes to help people and blah blah blah. The whole time I sitting there (overanalyzing as usual) about what exactly about the date was going wrong. He picked me up, got me a pair of shoes, took me to a nice restaurant and was being polite. Doesn’t sound like a bad date right?

Well, for one, the relationship talk was a bit much for me for a first date. I had to let him know. I said something to the effect that the relationship talk was a bit too heavy for me and I was starting to feel like I was on an interview. He tried to pull back but something still didn’t feel right. The only way I could describe the date was “nice” which really doesn’t mean much other than that it wasn’t horrible. Anyway, I figured I’ll probably give it one more date.

We talked during the week, he was trying to be helpful with my job search (although he directed me towards a data entry job even though I said I was looking for something in web design). Then we spoke again and I told him my bank was giving me problems and holding a check I had deposited and no one in the bank seemed to know where the check was. I was upset because it was a large check and the bank had debited it out of my account without even notifying me!!! Rent and bills were due in a couple of weeks and I wanted to get my funds in order.

Mr. Moneybags then asked me how much I needed and then said to me, “Who do you bank with, I’ll go deposit money into your account for you.” Um… is it just me, or was that a bit too much from someone I only went out with once?? So I told him it wasn’t necessary, I had contacted someone at the branch to look into it for me. But he kept going on about how he had been in that situation before and he just wants to help and I kept telling him it was okay. He kept pushing it so I finally said, “If you want to help, you can take me out to dinner so I don’t have to buy groceries…ha ha.” So then he says, “Okay great, we’ll go for dinner…. then afterwards I’ll take you to the store and get you some groceries…” I told him just dinner was fine.

Saturday rolled around and the overanalyzing paid off in this case. I finally figured out what was wrong with the previous date and it wasn’t just the over-relationship talk…. we hardly laughed during the dinner, if at all. There was no light-hearted banter, no joking around, no connection; dinner was BORING. And now, it felt like he was trying to buy my affection, which is ironic because he had complained about gold diggers on our previous date. Helloooo buddy, if you don’t want a gold digger, then stop throwing your money around. Don’t get me wrong, I like it when a man pays for dinner but offering me rent money after one date??? Hmmm….

I really didn’t feel like going out with him again, so I called him and cancelled our dinner date. I told him I was feeling uncomfortable with him offering me money because I didn’t know him that well. Then he said it was supposed to be a loan anyway and he had expected me to pay him back. I told him I assumed he meant a loan but it still made me uncomfortable because we hardly knew eachother; what if I ran off with the money?

THEN the guy said, “Oh… I was going to make you sign something, in case you didn’t pay me back, I could take it to small claims court…” I was like WHAT? So I said, “Maybe you shouldn’t loan money to people you may have to take to small claims court” to which he replied, “But I don’t know you.” Which was basically my point, smarty pants.

After I cancelled our Saturday plans, he says “What about Sunday?” (We had made some tentative plans for Sunday earlier in the week) He had suggested he come over and watch movies but I told him that I wasn’t ready to have him up in my place, laying around watching movies, to which he replied, “Nah…when I said movies, I meant, like a matinee, say around 2 o’clock” or some bullshit like that but really, he had mentioned before that he wanted to bring some DVDs over so I dunno where all this matinee talk came from. So I was all nah nah… I’ll call you…

So I’m thinking he’s going to leave me alone now, after I cancelled TWO dates with him, told him I was uncomfortable and pulled the old “I’ll call you” bit on him. But some people just don’t get the hint. Stay tuned for Part 3.

I’m sure most have heard of the book He’s Just Not That Into You, written by Greg Behrent, also former Sex and the City writer.

Anyway, I haven’t read the book but I did catch him on Oprah awhile back and some of the things that he was saying really did make sense. I don’t know about other women, but I have a tendency to over-analyze at times and I think that sometimes, it really is just as simple as “He’s just not that into you.” But as I continued to watch the show, and women were asking him relationship questions, he answer for everything was “He’s just not that into you, you’re a fox and you deserve better,” or something to that effect. It started to sound like a mantra after awhile or some dating incantation.

And then it started to irritate me because it seemed like they were portraying women as the only ones who were incapable of taking the hint (or having any common sense) and they needed Greg to point out the extremely obvious point. Here’s a quote from the Oprah show:

“Lauren explains to Greg that she went on the greatest date of her life, but this great date was eight months ago. “Since then I’ve only heard from him via e-mail and text messages,” she explains. “Why would he take the time to text and not just call? The thing is when he does e-mail me or text message me, he always compliments me…Why does he say these wonderful things to me if he just wants to be my friend? Is he into me or not?”

Yes, EIGHT months ago and she needs to ask a stranger if he’s into her or not??

And then you have the playa playa come on the show to tell us about his “secret male dating practices.”

Rashaun reveals his secret male dating practices, saying guys actually put a lot of thought into planning their weekends.

“I mean, we want to spend our time preferably with our ‘Tier 1′ group of women,” he says. “So I’m going to call ‘Tier 1′ women on a Monday or Tuesday to try to setup plans. ‘Tier 2′ will get called on Thursday. ‘Tier 3′ will get called Friday, before I’m going to the club, as I’m getting dressed, just to see what they’re doing. And ‘Tier 4′ women will get called as I’m leaving the club, already had drinks, ready to go home. You know, a ‘Tier 4′ woman is a booty call.”

Rashaun even has categories set up on his cell phone! The “dream team” consists of the women that he wants to be with. “Whenever they call, I’m taking their call,” he says. After the dream team, he has the “associates” category. “And if you call from the “unfiled” category, I might not answer, and the reason is because I’m probably just not that into you.”

This fool claims he has FOUR TIERS of women. Pu-leeeze. OK, if you are only getting calls at 3am, you’re probably just a booty call but I’ve called people that I really want to see last minute and that doesn’t make them a “Tier 3″ person. I hated how they made it seem like only women sit around waiting for the phone to ring, accepting whatever crumbs we get and not knowing when its over.

Anyways, the point of this little rant was supposed to be a precursor to my latest “I’m not into you/take the hint already!” story but it turned out to be a bit longer than I expected. So tune in for part 2!

In the meantime….
Here’s the link to the Oprah episode with Greg Behrent
Another interesting article in response to the book: The f-word